around the pink city

more squirrels!

These quick and cute scampering fellows made it hard for me to keep the camera down;

I couldn't resist posting so many!

Jaipur's most adorable possessions

birds galore!

Lately I've been wondering how completely ironic life really is... our entire lives revolve around society and their crazy ideas of what an ideal lifestyle should be. No matter what people say, about originality, thinking out of the box or about being true to yourself and character, they all still just want you to do what's socially right and acceptable. Where is the uniqueness in every one of us - if each of us just wants to be like everyone else? Why do we have to be in our best form and behavior at all times? So that the others around us don't think we're absolutely insane? Why must we wear a smile on our face when we're unhappy? Why must we fix a completely rotten mood just to suit someone else? Why must we move on when we don't want to?

I'm a 16 year old in the 11Th grade and I'm thinking about the idiosyncrasies of life. Once again--Why? It's amazing, the number of unexpected surprises you find when your just trying to be normal-just trying to 'fit in' to that same like minded crowd i mentioned earlier. In the past two years, I've lost two dear, dear brothers. These two guys were my world. Without them, my life feels empty and dark, helpless and hopeless. I yearn for that extreme warmth of their company. I hate it when you're made to forget things and try to move on with life. My thoughts race back and forth--its pointless to grieve over irreversible changes like these--but then again, its a whole new life without them, and it seems close to impossible to even try living it.

One can't sit around moping for days, not getting anything done, inconveniencing other people dependent on you and making things awkward around others. And there again it all comes down to pleasing the people around you. No free, open window for you to just be lost in your thoughts and be with yourself--just purely yourself. You're always trying to be someone others will like and accept as one of their own.

It's mind boggling--trying to wonder how to move past these bizarre experiences and get a grip on life. In an ideal world, it would seem morally very selfish to go ahead and deal with things like nothing happened. But in reality, you'd be quite a pain if you didn't. The memories of both my brothers spring up within me without any warning at all very often and it depresses me terribly--and I've always wondered why the pain--that emotional pang never got any better with time. Perhaps its because I never fully got a chance to grieve. I was left to myself for one day-just one and the next-I was back to my studies. Off to classes and exams. Things don't change, they don't wait for you.

Death still freaks me out. Gives me the chills. It makes me go inside my shell and shudder. It sends a chill down my spine. I can deal with live and frisky roaches and lizards-But dead ones, I cant even go close to.

It's so funny how these incidents can change your whole perspective of things. How it makes you think differently and how it makes you grow. And then again, I feel stupid thinking about these things in such utter detail--It makes me feel weird and then again the thought that pops into my mind is--my friends will think I'm insane! And here we come round again--the human-a slave of society. My thoughts contradict themselves! Life-its ironic. lets just deal with it.