24th june

My pets are my family. There's no physical barrier that makes me love them any less than my human family. It's hard for many people to understand the equation I have with them, the bond that I share with them. But I love each and every one of them with all my heart and to lose any of them hurts just as much.

A freak accident in the bathroom caused Chelku to spill a bottle of phenyl. She landed in the pool of phenyl. She had the concentrate smeared all over her fur. In that state of panic, she began licking herself, hoping to get the sticky fluid off her skin and fur. She began breathing heavily and frothing at the mouth. Taking the advice of our vet, we immediately rushed her to the animal hospital.

She spent the day at SPCA. She was given antidotes and enema to flush out the poisoning. Although she seemed okay, we were forced to leave her there for the night. The next day, things weren't any better. If anything, it had gotten worse. She was terribly and utterly weak. Back home, she refused to walk. She'd plonk wherever she was standing. She'd respond to her name with half open eyes, eyes begging you to let her go back to sleep. She wouldn't move once she was seated unless she needed to use the litter. But she hadn't the energy to go there either. She relieved herself where she was and just moved slightly aside to sit down again. I moved her to a clean spot and left her there. In the evening, she was running a temperature. She hadn't moved from that spot either. We decided she had to see the vet, and pronto.

It was after our visit to the vet that I really began to panic. She was 104 degrees. The maximum for a cat is 105. He gave her an antibiotic shot to get the temperature down and some b-complex vitamins to boost her up. This whole episode had made her anaemic. The stubborn liquid hadn't fully come off yet. The vet said that poisoning rarely led to fever; which meant it may have spread to her liver and kidneys. Cats, unlike some animals, have no ability to flush out these harmful toxins. They need help. We were advised to force feed her fluids and egg whites to get it out of her system. We needed to keep trying to get the phenyl off her skin, or it would seep in through her skin too. I was inexplicably worried about her.

Back home, we got right down to business. With a syringe, we fed her bit by bit one whole egg white and some water. We gave her a sponge and dried her down. She seemed a little more energetic than before, but there was no drastic change. We left her to rest and decided to come back in a bit and check on how she's doing. We kept tabs on her.

When we came back in, after dinner, we picked her up to see how she was doing. She was weaker than ever, tired and frail. It was so painful to see our spritely cat in such a vulnerable condition. We kept petting her, feeding her some water. Then, her face began to feel cold. Her face, her neck. She was so feeble, she couldn't hold her head up. I have never in my life felt so scared. Her underbelly and back were still warm. Her nose was pale, her eyes glazed over. The spark in those beautiful, gleaming green eyes had gone. We called our vet in desperation, not knowing what to do. The cold was spreading and I was absolutely petrified; we all were. We were fearing the worst and we were petrified because we had no idea what to do. As advised, we wrapped her up in warm sheets and a sweater. She began to kick frantically, as though she was trying desperately to fight the death that was coming her way. I don't remember what was going through my mind. It was spinning like a crazy top. But it was slowly becoming evident that there was nothing we could do. I found myself whispering to her,"fight it Chelku, you can get out of this." I felt so utterly helpless. Then suddenly, she began to breathe heavily; then her breathing started slowing down fast. Her body was almost completely cold. And then, in a moment, she went cold, her breathing stopped, her lips and nose turned blue, the light left her eyes...forever. We frantically tried to pump her heart, blow into her mouth, rub her body....but it was all futile. that was it.

I saw the life leave my darling, little by little. I saw her suffer. I saw her die. What had just happened was irreversible. I just wanted those two days back. I wanted them back so bad. I just wanted to go back and avoid everything that caused this to happen. I couldn't digest what was right before my eyes. The shock was too much. Just two days; just two days was all it took to grab her away from us. To grab her away in the most unfair, untimely and cruel way. Chelkamma-the sweetest cat I'd known, was gone. What did she do to deserve this? How could we have stopped this from happening? Why did she have to suffer this poisoning? A million thoughts were racing through my mind. As I saw her, just lying there, I felt heartbroken, sad, angry, stupefied, confused, helpless and lost. After a few hours of crying, I felt numb in the mind. I couldn't cry anymore. I couldn't think of it. I felt so detached. I felt she deserved more grieving, but I couldn't force it out of myself. I wanted to weep but I couldn't. I was numb.

Writing this article has not been easy. I get goosebumps when I think of those 45mins we spent with her before she left us. The 45mins that felt like eternity. The 45mins I wished never ended. I cried today, after days. Reliving all that happened mortifies me. I'll never come to terms with the fate she had to face.

The one question now, that's recurrent in my mind is WHY don't people know how deadly phenyl can be?? Every household in India uses phenyl for their cleaning purposes. There isn't even a warning on the back of the bottle! In fact, if it is so lethal, WHY isn't the use of it banned?? I appeal to all of you who have pets at home; Please chose a cleaner devoid of phenyl or similar chemicals. All pet owners want the best for their pets. None of them would intentionally let something remotely close to this happen. At the end of the day, it boils down to the one statement, "if only we knew." So do not be ignorant! Please! Do what's best for those you love.